Only because I love you: why people make and why they break promises in romantic relationships
- PMID: 21244176
- DOI: 10.1037/a0021857
Only because I love you: why people make and why they break promises in romantic relationships
Abstract
People make and break promises frequently in interpersonal relationships. In this article, we investigate the processes leading up to making promises and the processes involved in keeping them. Across 4 studies, we demonstrate that people who had the most positive relationship feelings and who were most motivated to be responsive to the partner's needs made bigger promises than did other people but were not any better at keeping them. Instead, promisers' self-regulation skills, such as trait conscientiousness, predicted the extent to which promises were kept or broken. In a causal test of our hypotheses, participants who were focused on their feelings for their partner promised more, whereas participants who generated a plan of self-regulation followed through more on their promises. Thus, people were making promises for very different reasons (positive relationship feelings, responsiveness motivation) than what made them keep these promises (self-regulation skills). Ironically, then, those who are most motivated to be responsive may be most likely to break their romantic promises, as they are making ambitious commitments they will later be unable to keep.
(c) 2011 APA, all rights reserved.
Similar articles
-
When giving feels good. The intrinsic benefits of sacrifice in romantic relationships for the communally motivated.Psychol Sci. 2010 Dec;21(12):1918-24. doi: 10.1177/0956797610388815. Epub 2010 Nov 15. Psychol Sci. 2010. PMID: 21078893
-
Through the eyes of love: reality and illusion in intimate relationships.Psychol Bull. 2010 Jul;136(4):627-58. doi: 10.1037/a0019792. Psychol Bull. 2010. PMID: 20565171 Review.
-
Where do you end and I begin? Evidence for anticipatory, motivated self-other integration between relationship partners.J Pers Soc Psychol. 2009 Jun;96(6):1137-51. doi: 10.1037/a0013882. J Pers Soc Psychol. 2009. PMID: 19469592
-
When is being known or adored by romantic partners most beneficial? Self-perceptions, relationship length, and responses to partner's verifying and enhancing appraisals.Pers Soc Psychol Bull. 2006 Oct;32(10):1283-94. doi: 10.1177/0146167206290383. Pers Soc Psychol Bull. 2006. PMID: 16963601
-
Motivation for social contact across the life span: a theory of socioemotional selectivity.Nebr Symp Motiv. 1992;40:209-54. Nebr Symp Motiv. 1992. PMID: 1340521 Review.
Cited by
-
The development of adolescent self-regulation: reviewing the role of parent, peer, friend, and romantic relationships.J Adolesc. 2014 Jun;37(4):433-40. doi: 10.1016/j.adolescence.2014.03.009. Epub 2014 Apr 2. J Adolesc. 2014. PMID: 24793391 Free PMC article. Review.
Publication types
MeSH terms
LinkOut - more resources
Full Text Sources