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Deception is defined as “a message knowingly transmitted by a sender to foster a false belief or conclusion by the receiver’’ (Buller & Burgoon, 1998, p. 381). Therefore, deceptive messages aim to create an inaccurate perception or belief. I imagine that all people can recall a time they have done this.
It is probable that deception conjures images of significant betrayals, but in reality, individuals utilize deception regularly. In fact, the work of DePaulo and Kashy (among others) clearly documents that humans routinely use deception. This explains Kashy and DePaulo’s (1996) positioning of deception, calling it an ‘‘everyday social interaction process’’ that ‘‘is a fact of social life rather than an extraordinary or unusual event’’ (p. 1037).
Think back to your own week of communication. Did you compliment someone’s appearance, talent, or cooking – despite your dislike of it? Did you make up a reason to decline an invitation for dinner, drinks, or to help someone? Though some might rationalize these as selfless lies, and therefore not lies, they fit the definition of deception. For a more thorough discussion of selfless lies, see my previous entry.
What I do find most interesting is people who claim they never lie. In one of my studies, close to 20% of people indicated they never used affection to lie. Another study of deceptive affection included participants being unable to record instances of deceptive affection. Further questioning revealed that people claimed they never lied in their romantic relationships. Such findings also ring true to my own conversations with others: some people regularly tell me they never lie.
This begs an important question: do these people never lie, or is this simply a process of self-perception? The idea of always being honest at all times is the subject of various movies. Picture Jim Carey’s Liar Liar and Ricky Gervais in The Invention of Lying. Liar Liar depicts a situation where someone cannot lie, and The Invention of Lying tells the story of a man who is the only liar. Note that both of these movies are comedies, depicting tales that underscore just how common lying is in society. This might explain why some researchers have suggested that being able to tell a lie is a communication competency.
None of this is meant to sound remotely controversial, nor is it meant to make anyone start questioning everyone with whom they interact. Instead, it simply is an invitation to reflect on the fact that our society tends to have a negative view of deception, despite the fact that most people engage in it routinely. I encourage you to think about the times you’ve intentionally misdirected someone’s beliefs/perceptions and reflect upon why you did this. Doing this will help you be aware of your own communication.
