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Shouts & Murmurs

Conciliatory Trophies for Millennials

Advanced skin care, free shipping, and more.

My Strict Morning Routine

Before getting up, I like to lie under the covers for thirty minutes meditating, which is really just a fancy word for “falling back asleep.”

A Quick Refresher on the High-School Math You’ve Forgotten

It’s good to know pi to at least twenty decimal places, in case a math sergeant ever asks you to drop and give them twenty digits of pi.

Choose Your Own Adventure: Starting a Garden

What with all the flowers, you’ve now got a bee problem. How do you handle this?

We Regret to Inform You That You’re Still Just a Person

Congratulations on your Pulitzer! Unfortunately, the automated D.M.V. queue doesn’t care for nuanced storytelling.

A Brief History of Our Family-Owned Chip Company

It all started when Daddy bought too many potatoes.

Reading “The Power Broker” Has Changed My Life

I’ve also found that the book works great as a tofu press or a yoga block.

Parents in a Chain

The great zucchini-bread disaster of 2024 and other mishaps, on a group text of moms and dads after the library bake sale.

America!: Republican Vice-Presidential Candidates Compete for Trump’s Favor in the Thunderdome

It’s the same as the real world, but more steampunk—so, worse.

Self-Help Books from Ancient Times

“The Ultimate Detox from Feudalism,” “Stop Overthinking and Start Impaling,” and other gems.