- Bill: I'm tellin' ya, Jo, that I love you. Doesn't that mean anything to you? I think that when people love each other, they should make a commitment. They should have a wedding, in a church, with the blessings of God, for chrissakes! Don't you get it, Jo? I'm telling you - that I love you! And all you love is my dick. Do you know how that makes me feel? Do you?
- Daisy: I fucked up.
- Charles Gordon Windsor, Jr.: Yeah, but you gave it a 100% effort!
- Daisy: You're weird.
- Charles Gordon Windsor, Jr.: I'm weird? *I'm* weird?
- [first spoken lines]
- Priest: Be seated.
- [pause]
- Priest: We're gathered here to witness and bless the joining together forever of William and Josefina in Christian marriage. The firm covenant of marriage is permanent in this lifetime because it was established by God, and once entered into it may never be broken without risk of eternal damnation. So we ask you now, in the presence of God, family, and friends, to declare your intentions to enter a binding and permanent union with one another for as long as you both shall draw breath on this earth.
- Daisy: [after Charles tries to make Daisy feel better about her thinking he was cheating on her and dumping fish water into his car] You're weird!
- Charles Gordon Windsor, Jr.: I'm weird?
- [Looks at car filled with fish water]
- Charles Gordon Windsor, Jr.: Can you give us a ride home?"
- Daisy: Jojo, relax! Trust me. You're going to wiggle your sweet ass, and he's going to forget all about it.
- Daisy: So tell me, Junior, how come you're not at your Ivy League school, picking ivy, or whatever you do there?
- Jojo: Kat, look. There's a comet. Right there.
- Katherine: No, that's just a shooting star.
- Daisy: [sarcastically] It's thrilling.
- Katherine: You see, a comet looks more like a tadpole. It's got a round head and a long blazing tail.
- Daisy: I know what one looks like. A sperm. A big sperm. She's got one on the ceiling. She goes to sleep every night with a giant sperm flying over her head.
- Jojo: You know what? Ten years from now, she's going to be a very famous astrologer and who are you going to be, Daisy?
- Katherine: It's "astronomer".
- Charles Gordon Windsor, Jr.: I needed a little vacation from law school.
- Daisy: Oh. In other words, you're being a bum.
- Charles Gordon Windsor, Jr.: Exactly.
- Daisy: I got nothin' against bums.
- Jojo: I bet if we had designer pizza...
- Leona: It'd taste like that magazine there.
- Jojo: Oh, come on, Leona. A little dry white wine, some smoked clams, some sun-dried tomatoes...
- Daisy: I think we should do it, Leona.
- Leona: Listen, young ladies. We have the real thing right here. The Mystic Pizza. Spices from the Algarve back in Portugal. My grandfather taught my father how to make it. And my father taught me. And one of these days, when I retire, I just might teach one of you. It's tradition. And...
- Jojo, Daisy, Katherine, Leona: You don't monkey with tradition!
- Daisy: Amen!
- Daisy: Is it okay to sit on the sofa?
- Charles Gordon Windsor, Jr.: *You* can do anything you want on it.
- Jojo: What? You think this is gonna make me marry you? Do you? Well, it's not, cos I don't have to marry an asshole. It's the '80s! Why would I marry an asshole?
- Jojo: I mean, if you think about it, Bill and I are so different. Everything he wants, I don't. The marriage, the kids, all that stuff. I mean, I really want that stuff. Real bad. I just don't want it now. He doesn't understand. If he really loved me, he'd wait. But I guess if I really loved him, I'd marry him. Maybe I don't love Bill. But I really do love Bill, though. He really - he understands me so well.
- Jojo: Oh, God. Kat, this is really heavy-duty stuff here. God, I thought I had problems, but I mean, I do. At least with Bill, what you see is what you get. But in that gutless wonder back there - he makes Bill look like the catch of all time.
- Daisy: Don't wear my boots again, okay? They're nice boots, Kat. I'd like to keep it that way. I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't use my comb, either. It's so full of scuzz I can't use it.
- Jojo: She might know, though. She might know. She looks really smart. Holy shit, Kat. You don't think she'd come after you or anything, do you? No. No, she wouldn't do that. I don't think she would do that. Oh God, Kat. Well, at least it isn't your fault, you know. It's not your fault.
- Daisy: You really believe this 30-year-old guy is gonna leave his wife for you and live happily ever after with you? You're livin' in a *fuckin'* romance novel, Kat.
- Katherine: Oh, yeah. Boffing, fucking, screwing. The great Daisy. Nobody's fool. Why don't you start taking cash for your services? It would be more honest!
- Daisy: [slaps Kat] Wipe your conscience.
- Daisy: I'm poor and I hate it. I admit it. I even thought I was desperate, but I'm not half as desperate as you are.
- Charles Gordon Windsor, Jr.: What?
- Daisy: I would never use you to get at somebody.
- Mrs. Arujo: What do I know, anyway? You think I always looked like this? When I was your age, you think they weren't sniffin' around after me? Different clothes, same line. Only I had sense.
- Daisy: Thank you very much.
- Mrs. Arujo: Well, I didn't go jump in the back seat of every sports car that came along.
- Daisy: You're really good at this, Ma.
- Mrs. Arujo: Good at what?
- Daisy: Making me feel like shit. I cursed. Another mark against Daisy, right? I curse, I'm stupid, I'm a slut.
- Mrs. Arujo: All I want is for you to make something of yourself!
- Robin Leach: [on the television] If you're wondering if Mar-a-Lago is the ultimate fairy tale home, check out the Alice in Wonderland bedroom...