We’re all familiar with the concept of ”feeling yourself”—the (very groovy) experience of being so into your look, vibe, and all-around existence that you feel like you’re on another level. But what if you’re feeling yourself—and, ahem, only yourself—all the time? Enter: Autosexual. This sexual orientation refers to people who feel a sexual attraction toward themselves, one that surpasses your standard dose of “self-love.” In autosexuality, your primary sexual attraction is for the one and only YOU. You are quite literally the person you most want to bang.
“With autosexuality, you get more aroused looking at or thinking about yourself during sex [than a partner], you dream or fantasize about yourself, and generally have higher sexual desire for yourself than other people,” explains clinical sexologist Lucy Rowett, a certified sex coach.
Research cited in cultural anthropologist Wednesday Martin’s book Untrue: Why Nearly Everything We Believe About Women and Lust and Infidelity Is Untrue, shows that while autosexuality can occur in anyone of any gender identity, it is much more common in women and AFAB folks. As for what autosexuality looks like in practice, the ways it manifests can vary. Sex educator Linnea Marie, a sexpert at BedBible.com, says people who identify as autosexual may be primarily autosexual (aka: they can also be attracted to other partners, too) or entirely autosexual (aka: only turned on by themselves).
Unfortunately, like any marginalized identity, autosexuality comes with its fair share of misconceptions—which, hi, we’re here to debunk. “The understanding and acceptance of diverse sexualities, including autosexuality, are crucial to fostering an inclusive and respectful society,” Marie says, emphasizing the importance of avoiding generalizations and assumptions that can contribute to misunderstanding and marginalization.
If autosexuality sounds like it might be something you identify with (or if you’re just wondering what it’s all about), look no further. We’ve consulted the experts on everything you need to know about what it means to be autosexual. Here’s the skinny on being the center of your own horn.
What Does “Autosexual” Mean?
Simply put, being autosexual means feeling a sexual attraction toward yourself, explains sex and relationship expert Carmel Jones. The term is related to—but not synonymous with!— “autoromantic,” which refers to a romantic attraction to yourself.
Autosexuality could look like a person who prefers to masturbate instead of having sexual intercourse with another person, explains Megwyn White, director of education for Satisfyer.
Autosexuality is often associated with narcissism, but experts agree that’s not an accurate way of thinking about autosexuality. “This is not the same as narcissistic personality disorder, as narcissists require admiration and attention from others and lack empathy,” White explains. Instead, “people who identify as autosexual are able to have relationships with others but have a preference for sex with themselves.”
How Do You Know If You’re Autosexual?
Like all things—especially things related to sex and gender identity—autosexuality exists on a spectrum, White explains. You can be in a romantic relationship with someone else but still find it easier to be turned on in relation to yourself, she adds. You might also have sexual feelings triggered by thoughts, images, or sexual fantasies involving yourself. Or you might feel naturally turned on by looking at yourself in the mirror or fantasizing about yourself naked.
If you enjoy watching yourself have sex or are attracted to people who look like you, those could also be signs you’re autosexual, according to Jones. Which brings us to…
5 Signs You Might Be Autosexual
1. You prioritize self-pleasure and find satisfaction in your own company
If self-pleasure is the primary way you enjoy sexual touch—and this is something you prioritize above other forms of sexual activity—autosexuality might be a label that you identify with. Marie says that autosexuals prefer the sex they have with themselves to partnered activity and feel entirely fulfilled with their self-love practices.
2. You’ve got a thing for your own reflection
Mirrors on the ceiling much? If you’re an autosexual, mirrors take on new meaning. They’re not just an opportunity to create the illusion of your own porno, but actually facilitate your sexuality in a fundamental way. “If you really enjoy, or it's almost a necessity, to watch yourself in the mirror during sexual activities” you might be autosexual, Marie says.
3. You’re really only turned on by YOU
If your primary source of sexual attraction or arousal is yourself, rather than others, you just might be a wee bit autosexual. If this is you, “you may not feel a strong desire for sexual relationships or intimacy with other people,” says Marie. You are the center of your sexual world.
4. You love watching yourself in your own sexy footage
Marie says that you might be an autosexual “if you predominantly film your sexual escapades and watch them to get turned on or need them to experience an orgasm.” Obviously, this would be done with the full consent of any partners who might be involved in the experience.
5. You love a dopplebanger
When you’re autosexual, you might find that you’re drawn to folks who share physical traits similar to your own. “It could also be that you end up attracted to people who look like you, and this could be any gender,” Rowett adds. If you're your own prime vessel of attraction, partners who remind you of yourself might just do the trick.
Autosexuality in Pop Culture
Because of the (again, incorrect) association with narcissism, autosexuality often gets a bad rap in movies and pop culture—if it’s even represented at all, says Jones. Often, it’s portrayed as narcissistic or associated with characters who are sociopaths, she adds.
Patrick Bateman of American Psycho could be characterized as an autosexual, according to Jones, as he does think only of himself when he’s with partners, but because Bateman is also tied to sociopathy, it’s not the best example.
In fact, we should definitely take this example with a huge grain of salt because it reinforces pathology around this sexual orientation when, in fact, it is entirely valid. Pop culture has been very unkind to autosexuals, but hopefully as more representation of marginalized identities find their place in the media, so too will autosexuality.
3 Myths and Misconceptions About Autosexuality
1. Being autosexual means you’re a narcissist or a sociopath
As evidenced by the highly problematic example of Patrick Bateman possibly being autosexual, this identity is often conflated with psychopathology. Rowett says that a common myth is the idea that to be autosexual “means you're completely self-obsessed and don't care about anybody else.” This is absolutely not true. Being autosexual simply means you’re sexually attracted primarily or entirely to yourself—in the same way bisexual people are attracted to more than one gender or heterosexual people are attracted to the opposite gender. It does not mean that you only give a shit about yourself. Being autosexual is just a way of existing and we have to stop demonizing people for their identities.
2. You aren’t in the market for love or relationships
A misunderstanding that plagues autosexuals is the notion that because you’re autosexual, you don’t want to find partners or have romantic relationships. “Many autosexuals enjoy sex and relationships with [other] people, it's just another expression of their sexuality and what they enjoy,” Rowett says. “Being autosexual doesn't mean that you don't value and enjoy relationships with other people, too.”
3. You’re perpetually lonely
Just because you’re primarily sexually attracted to yourself doesn’t mean you’re doomed to a life of loneliness. Autosexuals can and often do have fulfilling and wonderful partnerships with others. Marie says that this misguided understanding of autosexuality can cause a lot of harm. “This belief can undermine the validity of their feelings and may pressure them to conform to societal norms regarding relationships, causing distress or feelings of inadequacy,” she says.
How to Support Friends or Partners Who Identify as Autosexual
First of all, don’t dismiss them or think of autosexuality under the umbrella of narcissism or selfishness, Jones says. Instead, acknowledge the validity of their sexual identity.
If your partner identifies as autosexual, remember that their sexuality is not an insult towards or attack against you. It doesn’t necessarily mean they are not sexually attracted to you or don’t want to have sex with you, Jones says, but instead that you may need to keep an open mind and understand that your sexual relationship with an autosexual partner may look a little different from what you’re used to, and that your ways of pleasuring each other may also be a little different.
The long and short of it is: Whether you identify as autosexual, have a partner or friend who does, or just learned about a new kind of sexuality, remember that being unapologetically horny for yourself is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, it’s something damn worth celebrating.
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