If you've never heard of swaddling sex, allow us to fill you in. It's a kind of sleeping/sex position hybrid where you and your partner agree to fall asleep together during penetration. It’s not for everyone—if you like your personal space when you sleep or this immediately sounds uncomfortable, you might want to skip this one—but it definitely has its pros for those who love being attached at the hip (quite literally).
“The beauty of swaddling is the extreme closeness people can feel when their bodies are physically connected for so long,” says sex educator and owner of Early to Bed, Searah Deysach. “Long, slow, lazy sex when you spend the whole night in bed naked can keep you feeling connected all night long.”
Penetration can mean whatever you and your partner decide, whether it’s penis-in-vagina, strap-on-in-anus, strap-on-in-vagina—the possibilities are endless. The goal isn't to have active, thrusting sex for eight hours, but rather to foster a deep, intimate connection, says licensed New York City sex therapist Sandi Kaufman. "While sleeping, you can’t get any closer to your partner. It induces a sense of closeness and safety between partners.”
A big caveat, though: If a penis is involved, it’s still necessary to ensure that you’re protected from STIs and unwanted pregnancy. Regular condoms can slip off when your partner goes soft (and if they’re inside you as they sleep, they will), or if your partner coughs, moves suddenly, or ejaculates. One workaround? Internal/ female condoms, says Eric Marlowe Garrison, a sex counselor in Virginia. (If you're using an internal condom in the anus, remove the inner ring so it fits properly and stays in.) If a strap-on is involved, make sure it’s 100 percent silicone, says Deysach. “For comfort with any extended periods of intercourse, you probably want a softer dildo that will move with your body.”
And PSA: If a condom slips off inside of you, get it out ASAP. Leaving anything inside your vagina for more than a couple of hours can put you at risk for irritation and infection. If you're prone to yeast infections, PID, or UTIs, Kaufman recommends against swaddling. But if you simply can't resist, follow the usual post-sex rule of peeing right after, and wash your vagina and vulva off with warm water as a bonus.
And be sure to use plenty of lube, especially for strap-on and/or anal sex. Just make sure to use water-based lube for silicone toys—silicone lube can degrade silicone toys over time. If you’re going without barrier protection, silicone lube takes longer to dry out, and might be a better option.
Ready to swaddle up? Here are three positions to get you started.
1.The Swaddling Spoon
One of the easiest ways to swaddle is by doing it in the spoon position. The penetrating partner is the big spoon, and the receiving partner is the little spoon. Doing it is simple: penetrate, hug, fall asleep. If you wake up in the night for a few sleepy thrusts, all the better. “If you are wearing a harness for swaddling, I suggest an underwear-style fabric harness for maximum comfort all night long,” says Deysach.
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2. The All-Night Hug
Face each other and intertwine your legs and arms. Make sure no body parts are getting smushed, and then just relax into each other. Take the time to just appreciate the moment because there is pretty much nothing more intimate than falling asleep with someone you’re really really into while one of you is literally inside the other.
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3. The Cheat Sheet
“If swaddling is appealing but it feels unrealistic, you can try sleeping naked to each other with your hands cupping each other's genitals,” says Deysach. This option is great for people who don’t love extended cuddling. It’s still intimate and sexy, but you get your own space and no one’s arm falls asleep.
Jill Hamilton is a contributor for Cosmopolitan.com and writes the blog In Bed With Married Women.
