Cast a wide net. When it comes to your social supports, one size doesn’t fit all. You may not have someone you can confide in about everything—and that’s okay. Maybe you have a colleague you can talk to about problems at work and a neighbor who lends an ear when you have difficulties with your kids. Look to different relationships for different kinds of support. But remember to look to people you can trust and count on, to avoid disappointing, negative interactions that can make you feel worse.
Be proactive. Often people expect others to reach out to them, and then feel rejected when people don’t go out of their way to do so. To get the most out of your social relationships, you have to make an effort. Make time for friends and family. Reach out to lend a hand or just say hello. If you’re there for others, they’ll be more likely to be there for you. And in fact, when it comes to longevity, research suggests that providing social support to friends and family may be even more important than receiving it.4
Take advantage of technology. It’s nice to sit down with a friend face-to-face, but it isn’t always possible. Luckily, technology makes it easier than ever before to stay connected with loved ones far away. Write an email, send a text message, or make a date for a video chat. Don’t rely too heavily on digital connections, however. Some research suggests that face-to-face interactions are most beneficial.
Follow your interests. Do you like to hike, sing, make jewelry, play tennis, get involved in local politics? You’re more likely to connect with people who like the things you like. Join a club, sign up for a class, or take on a volunteer position that will allow you to meet others who share your interests. Don’t be discouraged if you don’t make friends overnight. Try to enjoy the experience as you get to know others over time.
Seek out peer support. If you’re dealing with a specific stressful situation—such as caring for a family member or dealing with a chronic illness—you may not find the support you need from your current network. Consider joining a support group to meet others who are dealing with similar challenges.
Improve your social skills. If you feel awkward in social situations and just don’t know what to say, try asking simple questions about the other person to get the ball rolling. If you’re shy, it can be less intimidating to get to know others over shared activities—such as a bike ride or a knitting class—rather than just hanging out and talking. If you feel particularly anxious in social situations, consider talking to a therapist with experience in social anxiety and social skills training.
Ask for help. If you lack a strong support network and aren’t sure where to start, there are resources you can turn to. Places of worship, senior and community centers, local libraries, refugee and immigrant groups, neighborhood health clinics, and local branches of national organizations such as Catholic Charities or the YMCA/YWCA may be able to help you identify services, support groups, and other programs in your community.