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Schuyler Bailar
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He/She/They: How We Talk About Gender and Why It Matters Hardcover – October 17, 2023

by Schuyler Bailar (Author)
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Go‑to expert on gender identity, Schuyler Bailar, offers an essential, urgent guide that changes the conversation.

Anti-transgender legislation is being introduced in state governments around the United States in record-breaking numbers. Trans people are under attack in sports, healthcare, school curriculum, bathrooms, bars, and nearly every walk of life. He/She/They clearly and compassionately addresses fundamental topics, from why being transgender is not a choice and why pronouns are important, to more complex issues including how gender-affirming healthcare can be lifesaving and why allowing trans youth to play sports is good for all kids. With a relatable narrative rooted in facts, science, and history, Schuyler helps restore common sense and humanity to a discussion that continues to be divisively coopted and deceptively politicized.

Schuyler Bailar didn’t set out to be an activist, but his very public transition to the Harvard men’s swim team put him in the spotlight. His choice to be open about his transition and share his experience has touched people around the world. His plain-spoken education has evolved into tireless advocacy for inclusion and collective liberation. In He/She/They, Schuyler uses storytelling and the art of conversation to give us the essential language and context of gender, meeting everyone where they are and paving the way for understanding, acceptance, and, most importantly: connection. He/She/They is more than a book on allyship; it also speaks to trans folks directly, answering the question, “does it get better?” with a resounding yes, celebrating radical trans joy. Myth-busting, affirming, compassionate, and fierce, He/She/They is a crucial, urgent--and lifesaving--book that forever changes the conversation about gender.
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  1. Print length
    384 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publisher
    Hachette Go
  4. Publication date
    October 17, 2023
  5. Dimensions
    6.4 x 1.25 x 9.4 inches
  6. ISBN-10
    0306831872
  7. ISBN-13
    978-0306831874
  8. See all details
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From the Publisher

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Editorial Reviews

Review

"He/She/They by Schuyler Bailar is an incredible book and resource for all who want to understand gender & transness based off of someone who has lived it. Schuyler is an activist, athlete, educator, and now writer! This book is informative, fabulous to read, and leaves the reader with information, joy and proactive ways to get involved in what is one of the most important human rights conversations of our time. I love this book & Schuyler, you will too!"―Jonathan Van Ness, New York Times bestselling author, podcaster, comedian, and television personality

"Schuyler was the first trans person I ever followed on social media. He/She/They reminded me of why I hit that follow button years ago- because of Schuyler's ability to speak on gender in non-intimidating ways. I wish I had this book to guide my own journey years ago, but I am so glad it exists now. We need it!"―Dylan Mulvaney, actress, comedian, TikTok personality

"A wonderfully clear and convincing guide to comprehending and defending gender diversity."―Kirkus, Starred Review

"A smart and accessible discussion of gender and sexuality."―Publisher's Weekly

"This book is both a wonderful resource for readers who want to know more on these topics but aren’t sure where to start and for trans folks looking how to navigate coming out, dating, mental health, and more…Trans and gender-fluid teens will see themselves in Bailar's meaningful work, and cis teens will find essential information on being a good ally."―Booklist, Starred Review

"Courageous and heartwarming, He/She/They sheds light on the journey of gender discovery and acceptance. As a fellow advocate for transgender rights, I am inspired by Schuyler's unwavering honesty and resilience. His powerful narrative challenges societal norms, encouraging readers to embrace their authentic selves fearlessly. A must-read for anyone seeking understanding, compassion, and hope on the path to self-discovery."

―Jazz Jennings, [she/her], activist, television personality, and author

“Tragically, it’s transgender people who find themselves most targeted and scapegoated by both evangelicals and right-wingers — especially when elections roll around. Trans activist and athlete Schuyler Bailar cuts through the smears in He/She/They, explaining why gender-affirming medical care is life-saving and how trans youth playing sports benefits all kids. Bailar’s book isn’t just for the ignorant; it also serves as a bible of trans joy.”
 ―The Advocate

“Wherever you are on the journey to understanding trans identities, issues, and advocacy, He/She/They will support you in having better, deeper conversations and connections.”―Book Riot

About the Author

Schuyler Bailar (he/him) is an educator, author, and advocate. He is also the first transgender athlete to compete in any sport on an NCAA Division 1 men’s team. Schuyler’s exemplary work has earned him numerous honors including NYC Pride Grand Marshall, the Out 100, LGBTQ Nation’s Instagram Advocate of the year, and the Harvard Varsity Director’s Award. In addition to being one of the top LGBTQ+ educators and advocates, Schuyler is a leading DEI speaker and advisor who has been featured in countless media outlets. Schuyler also hosts the hit podcast “Dear Schuyler” on gender and culture and is the creator of the groundbreaking LaneChanger.com gender literacy online learning series. He holds a degree in Cognitive Neuroscience and Evolutionary Psychology from Harvard, and works in four research labs focusing in clinical psychology and public health.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Hachette Go (October 17, 2023)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 384 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0306831872
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0306831874
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 1.25 pounds
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6.4 x 1.25 x 9.4 inches
  • Customer Reviews:

About the author

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Schuyler Bailar

Schuyler Bailar

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Schuyler Bailar is one of the leading voices on LGBTQ+ inclusion. He is an internationally acclaimed educator, author, and advocate, and he is also the first transgender athlete to compete in any sport on an NCAA Division 1 men’s team. As an LGBTQ+ inclusion advocate and educator, Schuyler has spoken at hundreds of events and corporate engagements including USA Swimming, the NCAA, Microsoft, Qualcomm, Capital One, Facebook, Nike, the CIA, and many more. Schuyler’s current work includes his critically acclaimed middle-grade novel, Obie Is Man Enough, and LANECHANGER™, his groundbreaking Gender Literacy and DEI Learning Series.

In 2023, along with Hachette Books and Penguin Books, Schuyler released his first non-fiction book, He/She/They - How We Talk About Gender and Why It Matters to critical acclaim and celebrated relevance. He/She/They uses storytelling and the art of conversation to give us the fundamental language and context of gender so that we can meet people where they are and pave the way to understanding, acceptance, and inclusion.

As a transgender man, inclusion advocate, and LGBTQ+ educator, Schuyler Bailar is more than familiar with the myriad questions that come up. In He/She/They, he addresses them head on, such as why being transgender is not a choice, why pronouns are important. But this book is more than a book on allyship; many of Schuyler’s vast followers come to him for support; one of his most popular reels is speaking to a young trans person who asks, “does it get better?”

He/She/They is an essential, urgent, and potentially life-saving book that will change the conversation about gender identity and how we talk about it, moving us toward a more equitable future.

Customer reviews

4.7 out of 5 stars
4.7 out of 5
91 global ratings

Customers say

Customers find the content good, genuine, and heartfelt. They also say the book is very well written and poses thoughtful questions. Readers also describe the characters as eloquent, inclusive, and empathetic.

AI-generated from the text of customer reviews

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ContentWriting styleCharacter depth
5 customers mention "Content"5 positive0 negative

Customers find the book's content heartfelt, genuine, and instructive. They say it covers each topic thoroughly and accurately, and provides advice for allies and trans people. Readers also say the book is accessible and poses thoughtful questions.

"Everything about this book is good. Genuine. Heartfelt. Instructional...." Read more

"This book is the best comprehensive and approachable resource for anyone wanting to learn more about transgender people and how to support them...." Read more

"Such an excellent book. Schuyler’s style is informative, personal, and actionable for anybody...." Read more

"...It provides so much information in very accessible chunks and poses some really thoughtful questions...." Read more

4 customers mention "Writing style"4 positive0 negative

Customers find the writing style of the book very well written.

"Schuyler (he/his) is a fabulous writer and is skilled at getting the reader to challenge beliefs that we have been passed down through our cultural..." Read more

"This book was incredibly well-researched and well-written...." Read more

"...If you want facts and data, this is the book to go to. Very well written. Trans joy is amazing...." Read more

"Perfectly written...." Read more

3 customers mention "Character depth"3 positive0 negative

Customers find the characters in the book eloquent, inclusive, and empathetic.

"Everything about this book is good. Genuine. Heartfelt. Instructional...." Read more

"...Schuyler hits the perfect balance between empathy and education...." Read more

"...how to be a good ally, it would be this book, only this book is way more kind and eloquent and inclusive and empathetic than I could ever be...." Read more

Top reviews from the United States

Kindle Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars Perfectly written.
Reviewed in the United States on January 21, 2024
Verified Purchase
Everything about this book is good. Genuine. Heartfelt. Instructional. I am 71 years old and have learned about a whole new way of living together with all people. I can't recommend this book enough.
13 people found this helpful
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hemma
5.0 out of 5 stars Allyship 101
Reviewed in the United States on March 13, 2024
Verified Purchase
This book is the best comprehensive and approachable resource for anyone wanting to learn more about transgender people and how to support them. Schuyler hits the perfect balance between empathy and education. I cannot recommend this book enough whether you are just starting to learn or already have a basic knowledge. It is wonderful!
5 people found this helpful
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Lori Palmer
5.0 out of 5 stars A must read for everyone
Reviewed in the United States on March 19, 2024
Verified Purchase
Schuyler (he/his) is a fabulous writer and is skilled at getting the reader to challenge beliefs that we have been passed down through our cultural and societal upbringing. This book helped me see ways I was harboring transphobia when I would have prior labeled myself as not transphobic. It has illuminated my privilege as a cis gender white woman, but also deepened my commitment to being an advocate and ally for the LGTBQ+ and Trans community. I recommend this book for everyone as we do all experience gender.
3 people found this helpful
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Amazon Customer
4.0 out of 5 stars Understanding Transness in All Its Glory
Reviewed in the United States on December 5, 2023
Verified Purchase
Should be required reading in middle school - an essential more-than -primer on what it means to be transgender - most important to understand that we are not always what we were “assigned at birth” - and are NOT transitioning but AFFIRMING who were already are.
4 people found this helpful
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David P
5.0 out of 5 stars Perfect to educate and learn to take action
Reviewed in the United States on March 4, 2024
Verified Purchase
Such an excellent book. Schuyler’s style is informative, personal, and actionable for anybody. I loved it, my parents are already reading it, and my transphobic uncles are going to hear about it at the July 4 bbq!
2 people found this helpful
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Dani
5.0 out of 5 stars everyone should read this book
Reviewed in the United States on November 21, 2023
Verified Purchase
If I were to think of everything I would want people to know about being trans, and how to be a good ally, it would be this book, only this book is way more kind and eloquent and inclusive and empathetic than I could ever be. It’s now my go-to recommendation when loved-ones ask for help on how to be better trans allies, and it helped me as a trans person to accept and love myself, and unpack some of my own internalized transphobia that was getting in the way.

I’m so grateful this book was written.
11 people found this helpful
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Brit Suttell
5.0 out of 5 stars Readable, accessible book for gender issues
Reviewed in the United States on November 7, 2023
Verified Purchase
This book was incredibly well-researched and well-written. It provides so much information in very accessible chunks and poses some really thoughtful questions. I've already recommended it to several family members and friends - even bought some extra copies to give out. Highly recommend to anyone who wants to learn more about gender or how to talk about it!
5 people found this helpful
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record player
5.0 out of 5 stars tells it like it is
Reviewed in the United States on April 15, 2024
Verified Purchase
This book is for the currently accepting and those yet to come. It applies much to life generally. Thank you Schuyler
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