‘Friends from College’ Embraces The Ugly Truth That Love Is An Unpredictable Shit Show

The first season of the Netflix original series Friends From College got dragged hard last year for reasons I totally get. Not only are its characters a bunch of privileged Harvard snobs who take way too much pride in their alma mater, they’re unlikeable, immature, self absorbed jerks who really really suck at relationships. They lie, cheat, manipulate, and hurt the people they love most and don’t seem to care how very messed up any of this is. But that’s exactly why I love this show. Though a bit extreme, it’s a pretty accurate depiction of just how complicated love is and how delusional we can all get sometimes when our inflated egos run the show.

Even the director Nicholas Stoller is aware of how much these characters suck. But he really doesn’t understand what the big deal is, as they’re actually no worse than the ones in dramas. (Don Draper on Mad Men, anyone?) Maybe shitty people in dramas get a pass? Or perhaps we just hate them because they’re a painful reminder of how very fucked up all of us can be when we’re blinded by love, seeking that next thrill, and wanting to burn our lives to the ground when we feel trapped or insecure. On some level, everyone wants freedom and endless choices while at the same time craves deep human connection and overall stability. Isn’t that what’s so maddening about life and love after all though? Our desires are constantly at odds with each other.

This show totally gets that.

(Before we go any further, let’s just caveat here that what is about to follow contains major spoilers for Friends From College Season 2. If you haven’t finished it yet, you might want to bookmark this page for later. With that in mind…)

Much like Ethan and Sam, I too have been driven by my ego to make terrible, no good, very bad decisions. I’ve chased after trash dick and sabotaged good relationships. I’ve been both cheated on and I’ve cheated with (though I was lied to about the existence of a girlfriend or wife every time). I have yet to cheat on a partner, but I wouldn’t put it past me. At 41, I know to never say “I’ll never” anymore, unlike Lisa (Coby Smulders), who can’t accept that she’s a cheater just like her husband, Ethan (Keegan-Michael Key). Despite having cheated on her husband in Season 1 and her boyfriend in Season 2, she still frames herself as a morally superior victim; she justifies her behavior by believing that she’s the one being fucked over but, in reality, she’s blinded by the lies she’s been telling herself. In Season 1, I thought Ethan and Sam were the most selfish characters on the show, but in Season 2, I’m convinced Lisa is just as garbage as the rest of them.

Aren’t we all garbage though? Some of the best people I know have had the most messed up affairs. And some of the nicest, most charitable people in the world consistently, relentlessly fuck over women and minorities with their “love” of God. Everyone is capable of being garbage when it comes to love.

I’m not saying Ethan and Sam (Annie Parisse) weren’t the ones who started all this, but Lisa proves my theory better than anyone. She spends two seasons using men to get what she wants, teasing her ex Nick (and initiating an affair with him) and toying with his emotions to the point where he leaves a girl he genuinely likes to be with her. She pressures Ethan into wanting to have a baby in Season 1, punishes him relentlessly for not being able to do so, and then uses her rebound boyfriend (who she clearly doesn’t even like) into being her baby daddy in Season 2. Despite all this, I totally see what’s motivating her and why. Her love story is so damn complicated, I honestly don’t even know who to root for by the end.

First, I want her and Ethan to work out. I think he’s a selfish prick, but in moments, like when he’s googling “how to comfort your wife after IVF,” whacking off into a cup to Jennifer Garner instead of the smutty porn he was given, and throwing chairs through windows to get Lisa the fertility drugs she needs, I actually like the guy and want their marriage to work out. But then when I see how crazy Nick is about Lisa and how good they are together, I root for him. At times I even want her to be with Charlie because he truly appreciates her and would probably throw five chairs through glass windows to make her happy. Even when he gives her everything she wants, she still won’t marry the dude. Because she doesn’t actually love him, she just wants to love him. The same way Ethan doesn’t love her anymore, but he wants to and knows he should.

They are all trying so hard and failing even harder.

According to all the shitty reviews, it seems that the affair between Ethan and Sam is what rubbed most people the wrong way. Why is that? I’m not endorsing cheating, but I know how the ego works and can trick you into anything. As someone who’s stayed in horrible relationships for all the wrong reasons before, I get why some people cheat as a way out. I grew up with parents who didn’t belong together and ultimately had an ugly separation full of unnecessary pain. But I also know their breakup and even the way it happened eventually led them both to being with their current partners. Despite all that pain —or, rather, because of it— they both ended up having long marriages and happy lives with the one they were meant to be with. So as much as I hate Sam and Ethan, I also empathize with their struggle to believe you’re a good person while also doing the kinds of things you think only shitty people do.

That’s love ain’t it?

I appreciate how much Friends from College embraces the ugly truth that love is an unpredictable shit show. That everyone is capable of acting against our code of ethics (and even our best interests) when it comes to relationships. Haven’t, after all, some of the worst things in history been over love or heartbreak? Wars even? Remember that German pilot who flew an entire plane of hundreds of innocent people into the side of a mountain right after he and his girlfriend split up? I think about that a lot. Love is dangerous shit, y’all!

As the ultimate antithesis to The Notebook, Friends from College points a big sausage-sized middle finger to the traditional Hollywood rom-com and good on them. I’ve been waiting for an honest comedy that accurately portrays how much love and people can totally suck. Love and sex make us fucking NUTS and this show embraces it. Only one question remains: Will other shows be brave enough to follow its lead?

Melanie Hamlett is a writer, storyteller, comedian, and public speaker based out of LA. She’s also regular on the Risk! podcast, created Smashing Stories, and performs regularly when she’s not sleeping in the back of her truck in the woods or living abroad.

Stream Friends From College on Netflix