‘I Am Not An Easy Man’ on Netflix: Not As Much Of A Rom-Com As It Is A Goddamn Horror Movie

You probably haven’t heard much about Netflix’s I Am Not an Easy Man. The only reason I myself watched it was to learn French in a super lazy way after moving to Europe. Despite hating most romantic comedies, I actually liked this one though. The premise is clever and the jokes land well.

The second time I watched, it pissed me off. And by fifth? Left me in tears, devastated. And I ain’t no crier either!

I suppose what I am is a masochist of sorts because I cannot stop watching this movie.

Or thinking about it.

I also can’t see society quite the same anymore, despite being fully aware for decades already of just how sexist it is. I guess it took watching a man experience what women experience daily to process how absurd it all is (hello internalized misogyny!).

Since the main character, Damien (Vincent Elbaz), is a man (and a white one!), he’s born into boundless freedom and opportunity. And knows nothing but this way of life. So he’s justifiably outraged when all those inalienable rights he’s so used to just up and vanish. And yet, despite waking up, horrified, in a world where men are considered the weaker sex and are abused by women constantly, he never once questions how wrong it is or blames himself. And he never doubts his right to be treated like a human being instead of property.

I can’t even fathom what that’s like. Must be nice!

Despite being a feminist for decades now, I still discover new, subtle ways I’ve been brainwashed to hate myself unnecessarily, shrug off men’s terrible behavior, or bend myself into a pretzel to make them comfortable. No, it wasn’t until seeing a man walk in our shoes for 96 tragically hilarious minutes did it occur to me just how much bullshit us women folk are still putting up with.

In the first eight minutes, we see Damien doing his privileged white male thing, Paris style—being an arrogant middle-aged player who treats women like holes, calls his friends’ wives nags, and gaslights female coworkers who dare to question his blatant sexual harassment. In short, he’s an entitled misogynistic prick who actually thinks he loves women (don’t they all!).

While he’s catcalling two barely legal girls, though, he runs head-first into a pole, leaving him unconscious. When he wakes up, he finds himself in this bizarre new world where the genders are flippity-flopped—women are the entitled, powerful pricks and men have to figure out exhausting ways to deal with it all.

Okay, #notallwomen, but #most.

His adjustment to this hellhole is quite entertaining. Here, women wear suits (or whatever they want, really) and men wear what society tells them to—mini-skirts, burkas and everything in between. Sweatpants with “hot” written on the ass, neon pink shoes, pasties, and some inexplicable garment that makes men’s balls look “perky.” Damien soon learns one thing men can’t wear anymore though—white T-shirts. That only encourages the women in his office (and it’s ALL women now, save for a few receptionists fetching the ladies’ their coffee) who whistle and hoot at his titty hard-on as he walks past them.

This is a world where Queens beat Kings in poker and dads fear losing their jobs every time they have another baby. By the way, women give birth standing up (finally) because most doctors are women and they understand… well, gravity. Women control every branch of culture and daily life—healthcare and government, the media, work… all of it. Damien’s first “oh shit this really sucks” moment is when his (now female) boss tries to make him eat her out in exchange for a promotion, gives his projects to a woman, and gaslights him when he dares doth protest. Justifiably pissed by it all, he throws the bowl of tampons on her desk in her face.

She immediately fires him.

It would be an understatement to say that this new world suuuuucks for Damien and all the men in it. They’re constantly reminded that women are more important, even in subtle little jabs. The buildings and streets are named after women, the “classic” books are about, by, and for women (Of Mice and Women), and most billboards feature scantily clad men pouting or looking dumb to appear childlike and submissive. Movies and commercials only show male nudity and every single storyline about men portrays them as being needy fools desperate for women to love them.

Even Damien’s friends act weird now, pressuring him to eat salads and worry about being fat or old (i.e. unfuckable). His father nags him about being single, living with a cat, and not producing those obligatory grandkids a man owes his parents (and society!). Karma’s merciless fate makes Alexandra (Marie-Sophie Ferdane), the woman he falls for, treat him exactly like he used to treat women who loved him—by playing games, keeping him at arm’s length, patronizing him, and making him feel needy for wanting anything more than sex.

This movie made me laugh throughout because of its absurdity, but there were a few funny moments that stopped being funny when they sunk in with each viewing.

For starters, women are brutes in this society, thanks to not being burdened with the male gaze or society policing their bodies or behavior. They burp, eat like shit, piss on the toilet seats and basically do whatever they want without any real consequence. And yet… they expect men to follow strict gendered codes of conduct, like shaving every inch of their body below the neck. Plucking eyebrows, ripping off toe hair. It’s painful to watch a man getting this done. And all so they can wear revealing clothes that draw attention to his smooth legs and dainty little ankles.

There’s one scene where a woman laughs at Damien, calls him a monkey, claims he’s dirty for having a hairy chest, and refuses sex. It’s hilarious! But what’s not funny is seeing him the next time, completely shaved, except for a landing strip patch of hair on his sternum. It’s so weird looking… on a man. He would never do something so bizarre if women hadn’t convinced him he’s unfuckable and gross otherwise, despite women being completely unshaven.

Think about that. Even in 2018, women will get boob jobs, lip jobs… to make them DSL (dick sucking lips), Brazilian waxes, and even labia surgery to avoid that “deli meat” vagina men so often make fun of. I’ve never done any of those things myself because I refuse to out of sheer principle. But goddamanit if I don’t still trim and manicure all around my precious little peach anyways. Because men, the media, and porn have convinced even the most feminist of us that we should alter our bodies constantly to suit men’s idea of sexy instead of our own. Just like Damien, we want to be attractive. And get laid!

We do what we must.

Dating for Damien in this bass-ackwards world is horrifying to watch as a modern woman. One lady takes him on a date… to a strip club. He’s so baffled by the sight of men straddling poles in a dark, smoky room of leering women that he bursts into laughter and can’t stop. It’s just so ridiculous!

And therein lies the tragedy of this movie.

By seeing how absurd it is for men to act this way to please women, it forces you to realize that this bullshit is normalized when women are asked to do it.

Later on, when the woman who called Damien a hairy monkey finally decides he’s hairless enough (the way only children are by the way), they have the most ridiculous hook-up ever. This rough, jackhammer-style sex is funny at first. But when she forces a finger in his mouth and fish hooks him with it, things aren’t so funny anymore. Men try that shit on me and I’ve always found it insulting. But women are used to men trying this selfish, porno sex on us these days.

He ain’t having it though. And good for him!

He hits his breaking point when she orgasms, then rolls off of him, not the least bit concerned about his. As an American woman, this used to be standard operating procedure—walking away from disappointing sex feeling like my body was nothing more than some man’s right hand. Unlike Damien, though, it took me decades to realize I was entitled to orgasms every time. That it’s my job to insist on them, actually. Damien’s so pissed, he throws his cat on her face and kicks her out.

I know few women who’d be so bold.

The real kicker about this movie is that you feel SO BAD for this dude, despite the fact he was a total dick before he hit his head. A real mind-fuck!

I Am Not an Easy Man is a modern, less impressive or eloquent version of Maya Angelou’s I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings. Everything Damien experiences is painful for him to experience and women to watch because, unlike women, he knows he’s in a cage. And that he doesn’t belong there. Women still unknowingly embrace, celebrate, and even enforce being locked in our cages all too often. We know no other way of existing.

The only problem I have with this movie (and it was a French man who pointed this out to me), is how lazy it is. A 100% reversal. I think a world with women abusing power would look different. Not better or worse, just different. I’d like to see someone make that movie.

In the meantime, I’ll go back to watching I Am Not an Easy Man for a 106th time. But I refuse to call it a romcom anymore.

This is a goddamn horror movie.

Melanie Hamlett is a writer, storyteller, comedian, and public speaker based out of LA. She’s also regular on the Risk! podcast, created Smashing Stories, and performs regularly when she’s not sleeping in the back of her truck in the woods or living abroad.

Watch I Am Not An Easy Man on Netflix