Fun
Frisky
Nostalgic
Intense
Adventurous
Choked Up
Curious
Romantic
Weird
Last night, you could’ve tuned in to the inspiring Democratic National Convention or the total bummer of The Bachelorette. Michelle Obama lifted hearts up, and JoJo Fletcher broke them. Here’s how it all went down.
JoJo sandwiched two overnights in between stomping on the hearts of two men, and the episode wasted no time getting to the first demolition. As she planned to last week, JoJo finally stopped sobbing in circles on the runway just long enough to get rid of Luke. If you’ve ever wanted to watch a man break into pieces on national TV, this was your opportunity! He was in pure shock, while we sat in pure rage. Flawless, loveable Luke.
JoJo provided a bunch of “I don’t know”s through tears while the two sat on a conveniently placed bench outside. “This is not supposed to be happening,” Luke kept repeating to himself, and we couldn’t help but agree. He waited until hopping in the limo before he let any tears loose, guessing that his last minute “I love you” was just too little too late. You don’t say…
JoJo continues to walk around outside crying and saying how much she “misses” Luke already, but it’s like, no you don’t. Which she confirms just minutes later! After arriving in Thailand, she got a good night’s rest and woke up feeling “confident” about her 3 remaining relationships and that she made the right choice. Ok, girl!
Her first date is with Robby, where the two walk around an outside market and make out a ton, stopping only to get foot massages and continue talking about that ex’s roommate drama. Robby tries to distinguish himself as closer to JoJo than any of the other guys by repeatedly calling her “Joelle”, the same way people who work with Martin Scorsese like to let it be known by calling him “Marty.” We get it, and it’s weird. JoJo made a ton of mistakes last night, but the red dress she wears later that night to dinner with Robby is not one of them. JoJo is at good at picking out a pretty dress to wear as she is letting go of good guys. Really excels in that area!
She continues to talk about her past with Ben, and Robby puts an end to that by giving her a note that his dad slipped into his back pocket, saying he can tell his son is in love. Take note, dudes: if you’re trying to get laid, have your dad write a secret note! It works on JoJo and she hands over the fantasy suite key, so the two spend the night together. Robby says he wants to skip work all the time just to be with her and ugh, we miss Luke.
It only gets worse on her date with Jordan. JoJo dresses “sporty” in shorts and a crop top for a hike, but wouldn’t an actual sports bra have been a better choice? Oh well. The two climb and walk through a really beautiful area with tons of gorgeous trees and waterfalls and caves, until they reach a sacred temple where kissing is not allowed. The temple is doing them SO many favors. So they have to resort to talking.
Which continues at dinner later that night, although instead of candles, they should’ve been surrounded by red flags. JoJo asks the simple question: “What does the next year look like for you?” And Jordan responds with the rather un-simple: “That’s a tough question to answer.” Oh, it is? Hm. He goes on to explain that he is homeless, maybe, with the “I don’t have nor do I need a home base right now,” which is meant to display his flexibility and enthusiasm for being wherever she is, but is clearly a sign that this dude is scared of commitment and does not have his life together. The most frustrating part of all of this is that you can see it clearly written on JoJo’s face by the way she looks at him that she doesn’t buy it, she doesn’t trust him and she knows something is up. And yet, he gets the fantasy suite key anyway.
We knew it was gonna happen, which softens the blow just a little bit. But we did not expect her to be wearing a casual camo dress the next day and that just stings. She’s walking on sunshine as she walks down the beach, giddily explaining how she’s in love with 2 guys at the same time, with one more date still on the horizon.
Which brings us to Chase. Up until now, Chase has been the embodiment of “meh.” Good looking enough white dude who is just starting to learn about putting words to feelings. Maybe it’s just that Jordan is a scumbag and Robby’s drama is a little concerning, and still, we miss Luke, but we’re all starting to warm up to Chase. He might be bland but at least he’s not blah.
For their date he is “extra playful,” and JoJo can’t even believe it! He’s kissing fish and they are frolicking in the ocean, and it actually seems like a super fun date. He’s still trying to do the feelings stuff and she can’t keep her hands off of him and there are monkeys all around. It’s nice.
So she goes back to her room to freshen up for her dinner with him and gets a knock on the door! Who could it be? It’s fucking Robby. Like, why? Why are you here? He missed her! So he just showed up. It feels icky.
JoJo goes to part two of her date with Chase, where everything is great. He says “I love you” and scores that fantasy suite key, and before anything can happen, JoJo decides she has to step outside to go sit on another couch and get some fresh air. But no breeze outside is going to be as powerful as the one Chase emits when she knocks the air right out of him by breaking up with him upon her return. Just like that. Literal moments after he says “I love you” she said “I dump you.” And this guy’s trouble with feelings makes sense!
He’s angry (still not as angry as Alex) and she walks him to the car because she’s got a rose ceremony the next day to prepare for. Since he’s gone, the two flowers are laid out for Jordan and Robby anyway, and just as she is about to present them – guess who shows up? Nope, not Robby because he’s already there. CHASE! He’s back! The guys are confused as hell, and JoJo gives Chase a chance to explain he was mad and he’s sorry for being mean or whatever, and all it does is just make you even more mad about the two doofuses left in this thing. They get their dumb roses, and we switch into Team Robby gear, I guess?
Tonight is the Men Tell All special, and while it will not be nice to see Evan and Daniel and Alex again, it will be fun to see Chad and sweet Derek and poor Luke and drunk Wells. And then next week, the final rose is presented and we can only wish JoJo the best of luck as probably the biggest wave of feeling “sick to my stomach” will wash over her.
Speaking of, let’s get to some awards!
